I gave up blogging for a time.
About 3 years ago (2015) I was looking for work, feeling depressed about my work, as well as just not feeling great about being married with children. I wanted to look ahead from that point, not ruminate more than I had to. It was an emotional bottoming out, and well, I just didn’t want to talk or write about it.
Now I’m back again. Perhaps I’m a better place? Or perhaps I have finally found something I wanted to write about?
Rewinding: The end of 2017 I got the news that my second son, Luca (4), was suffering from rare form of leukemia, BPDCN. If you can stomach it, feel free to Google the details. The gist of it is he is being treated with an ALL-based treatment plan, which supposedly has the best chance of his recovery. About 8 months later he’s close to done with his most intense treatment.
People have the following two reactions when they hear news about your child with cancer: 1) Wow, that’s rough. Is he going to be okay? 2) What can I do to help?
It can be surprisingly difficult to answer the “Is he going to be okay?” question with yet another person.
Part of me wants to answer, that things are great. Having a child who’s sick still means a lot of good times. Really, it’s almost all good times with Luca, and it hasn’t been 8 months of constant worry and struggle. Our days are full of laughter and forgetting there was anything wrong with Luca to begin with. Even being in the hospital, you’re mostly unaware of why you’re there at all, you focus mostly on the minor annoyances and getting out of there as quickly as you can.
But the reality, the awful possibilities are still there. And to be truthful is the worry, however latent, is still there, and it’s hard to confront.
Which brings me to the second question. Yes, there is plenty you can do to help, although to be honest I can’t identify anything very specific to most people. Still, people actively soliciting has been really great, and if anything getting asked out for tea (or other beverage of choice) is always welcome. So if you’re reading this, I’m always game.
And credit to both my wife’s work and my own, we have been getting enough time off. Hitomi got about 7 months off from work and she was a great help for me, so I could focus on work. I got less time, but my company has been helpful letting me take days off I need.